|Over, at last
||[Jan. 3rd, 2004|05:12 am]
It's not quite nice to have the whole thing ended in the wee hours of the morning, but I'm so relieved it's over at all that I don't particularly care.
I don't think it was very nice for my friends while they were waiting all that time in the cold corridor, but I was glad they were there. I was irrationally worried they'd leave, and terribly scared whenever Chaeyz's music left off. I think-- or wanted to-- that they must have been scared not to be able to hear me, but we haven't had time to talk it over because I was immediately herded, with much chiding and inquiries as to my wellbeing, up to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey (whose name I can't remember the proper spelling of, at the moment) was woken and I was stuffed with hot food and chocolate and then hovered over while I got a proper rest.
That sort of thing can go to somebody's head, after a while, but I've no inclination to go through all that again for a little bit of attention. The soul searching was not at all easy. You always uncover the darker bits of yourself, when you do that. That turned out to be the key, though-- I had to push away every one of my fears and be completely calm in order to make the door materialise. And that may sound simple in writing, but it really is a very hard thing to do and I don't want to talk about it much more.
Of course once I was out I promptly had hysterics, and hugged everybody and started crying (which I don't do very often at all), which probably wasn't very helpful for my friends. But better then than before. And it's over and I'm glad and quite willing to go back to classes Monday (though I imagine I'll be endlessly teased by Sirius now). And Hugh and Remus and Chaeyz and Peter, thank you all so very much and more than I can say-- and if you write up what you thought througout the whole thing, I'd be very curious to see it, because mine certainly wasn't the most level of viewpoints even if my entries managed to sound composed.